I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
