Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
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By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
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adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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