Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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