Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
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We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
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Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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