Will you blow on my dice?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
be right there i have to get my cape
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
