I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
