Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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