Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
