those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
