im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
