Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
