Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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