OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I want to make a zoo with you.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
