those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
