I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
