Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
