He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
whose ass print is on the piano?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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