are you still at the devil's house?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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