I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
