I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
