Im at strip club and am horny
She is in my trunk
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
