I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
