Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
