If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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