Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
