Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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