before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
