Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
