I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
