i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
