You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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