ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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