I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
