What did we do last night that was yellow?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
