Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
