Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
