if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
