I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
