I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
BRING THE BAGELS
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize