I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
They have beer where we have blood.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
