New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
