my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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