I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
