Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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