End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Randomize
