...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
