i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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