Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
