This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
