By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize