You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
BRING THE BAGELS
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
