Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
