I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
