Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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