I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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