i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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