Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
