I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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