My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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