My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
