I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
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Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
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I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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