I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
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Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
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I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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