I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
