I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
