Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
