got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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