I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
