Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
