roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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