i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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