**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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