so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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