Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
