ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
