its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
