so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize