K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
